Ehm well... I should write inspirational stuff here.

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fendersmybaby asked: Hallo Lara! Het is tumblr message time! I'm going to send so a super long story! Of fuck I have only got so many characters left. That is definately a bummet, don't you think? Well, I do. Darn I'm running out of space and will have to find sth better

Wow hey! I didn’t see it untill now, I didn’t see an awesome red notification thingy. this made me laugh :P I’d love to go to TFIOS  with you and make cat noises and purr and crie and do weird stuff :)

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I feel the urge to write a blog now. Lately, my thoughts have been like stars I can’t put into constellations.. Today, this is even worse. I visited my grandma, and she has alzheimer. The last few times she sortof remembered me, but today she had no idea who I was. I tried to ask her about her past, en let her tell the stories she used to tell. she didn’t remember. She kept asking about her mother. Her mother has been dead for decades. At last she said, ‘you have to go home’. Ok I said, I will see you again. “I don’t know, I don’t know if I want to’, she said. I know she is ill and she can’t help it, but it hurts. It hurts to see that somebody you love so much, and you had great times with, is reduced to something like this. A person without an identity, a person without a past. This may sound weird, but I sincerely hope it’s over soon. This is not how she would want to be remembered, and this is not how I want to remember her. She lives in a nursing home, and all these people do is stare out of the window all FUCKING day. Nothing is happening there. They’re just sitting in their chairs waiting for death to come. 

It ain’t coming…

not yet… 

I really hope that in the future, there will be a remedy for this. I know everyone has to die, and I know that won’t be pleasant, but when I die, I want to die as myself (whatever that might be)

Filed under blog elderly alzheimer grandma death dead down